Happy?

Steleaf invited some ppl over for a bbq! I also promised to go to a bday that day so I couldn't stay long. But the grill was fun. Went to the birthday after and got home with the last bus. Didn't really want to stay for the whole night.

Saturday started with me getting a text inviting me to a chillax evening with a waterpipe and everything. I thought about it for a bit and decided not to go cause I had planned to stay at home and clean my room, go to the shop and make dinner. In other words just having a nice and relaxing day in. I suppose I had loads on my mind as well so I didn't think I'd be very social that day.

Had LoF(Life of faith - a friends own rules. Based on dnd though) on sunday and it was great fun. We got a mission to go to australia(that has been nuked - there shouldn't be no life on it whatsoever). And guess what we found! A mutant, mwaha. It ran off tho, but I wouldn't want to be fighting that after seeing a picture of the creature *whimper*

Is it possible to know if you truly love someone until the person is gone? I mean, love should be something that does not fade away. But many feelings just fade away, even hate. So basically love is as if a risk you take to be happy?

The hardest part is getting to the point where you are a 100% sure it's not gonna work out. The moving on part will always have the good and awesome memories. You'll always think about getting back together. I did. But now when I get that thought I remind myself why it didn't work out. I thought moving on would be the hardest part. But at the moment I feel like I'm over the hardest part. Maybe it's because this whole thing just took forever and I've already moved on? Tho when can a person say he/she has moved on. Is it when you don't think about your ex the same way? Or you're happy with the life you have?

I'm happy.

L o v e

"Have you ever been in love?"
"What is love?"

That got me thinking, what is love? And have I ever felt it? I've only had 1 relationship. I like to think it was love. But I thought love would/should last forever and not disappear after someone fucks up because for love, you should be ready to forgive and do anything for.

So is love something that can just come and go? Relationships that break up, do they ever have love in it or is it just how the 2 people like each other. I'm just assuming that love isn't affection that would include how you like the way the other person thinks, how you like the fact that they can make you laugh or other many small details. Feelings like that can fade away. People grow apart. Or doesn't love have a strong meaning? Because a lot of people use the word lightly. You can love a friend, family, your hobby. But when it comes to a romantic way towards a person, people tend to think it's a really big deal to say.

To be honest, I feel the same way. I wouldn't go saying how I love a person lightly. But saying it about a friend really dear to me is easy.

Love is patient, love is kind. It has no envy, nor it boasts itself and it is never proud. It rejoices over the evil and is the truth seeker. Love protects; preserves and hopes for the positive aspect of life. Always stand steadfast in love, not fall into it. It is like the dream of your matter of affection coming true.

I think love is something you can't choose to do. It just has to happen. It doesn't have to be love at first sight, oh no. Though I do believe it's possible. Just don't go around mentioning to the person immediately. They 'will' freak out. Unless they're someone easy.

I also think love is something you don't have to work at much. Though one needs to put effort in a relationship.

I think I'm gonna try and figure out what love is for me. Because I believe every person sees it differently.

About that...

The date of me going to England is getting closer! I can't wait.

I'd be arriving in Stansted on the second of July. Because getting straight to Birmingham would have been a huge hassle and not worth the cost(even though we thought it would have been cheaper). Will be staying with Bergor when I'm at Birmingham and after that a bunch of us are heading to the Isle of Wight to chillax with Vanthus, Ed and maybe Alex, yeaaah! Am not sure how the living arrangements are there. But I'd hope to be sticking with the place where most people(and Amariel) will be at. And also we are not sure for how long we'll be staying on the Isle. But since Meka and Shin(if she comes, which I'll try and make sure of) are leaving England on the 10th I'd like to have a nice night out with them in London as well. And the rest of the trip should be in London with me, Amariel, Mash and Marauth. And Lixen will be joining us on our stay! SIGHTSEEING WOO! And a theeeme park!

Yeah, I have a good feeling about the trip :)

On other news, I've been so lazy with uni. I feel so bad about that. And I have to make a cake for mothers day today. I need to learn to plan my time right now. Exams coming up and what not.

Had a tryout day at a sushi bar called Sushi Cat(I know, right!). To be honest, I'm kinda confident on getting the spot there. Meka, take cover! Getting a job would mean I'd have to arrange my time even better now. Can't slack on WoW as much. But I do have a goal so I guess it'll be worth it.

But yeah, I've been enjoying quite a bit of the company of my friends lately. But sometimes I just wanna stay home and relax. Yesterday was one of those days. My parents went to our summer home for the night. My brother went later and didn't stay the night. Some of my friends did get together in town, but I didn't feel like joining for 2 reasons. First one I'd rather not say. And the second one was that I really did want a quiet and a nice evening alone at home.

I've felt like my life is getting out of line and off track. I'm not keeping up with stuff at uni, relationship's a mess and my thoughts get worried of the most smallest thing. But at the same time I'm kind of happy with my life. I sometimes get the feeling it's cause of the friends I've actually made online. I know this sounds so bad. I mean, I'm really happy with my friends I have in Tallinn. The time we spend together is amazing and a lot more! I really couldn't imagine my life without Meka or Shin in it.

So, me and Marauth just talked on msn about how people are too concerned of outcomes of their choices. How some people get all qq about if they're out with friends and they haven't planned out beforehand where they were gonna eat. And later they'd find an awesome restaurant that they would have found in a million years if they had tried to look one before heading out. It's the same for me and my friends sometimes. I call people up and they refuse to come out before I tell them what we were doing exactly. Even tho I'd find it more fun to just go with the flow and see where we end up.